thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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