I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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