I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
