ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
