last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
