i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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