I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
