Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
