I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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