I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
