I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
