You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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