Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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