I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
