I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
