so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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