I heard we made out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
