I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
