I am puke
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
