guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
