The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
