it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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