Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My life is pants optional.
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