Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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