the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
