you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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