i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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