rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
