i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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