I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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