I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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