He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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