Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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