I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
