I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
