Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
