My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Shame - the story of my life.
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