my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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