I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
