i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
