he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
