wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
