I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He did a backflip because drugs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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