It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
