I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
