VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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