What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
