Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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