my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
