My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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