is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
