I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
