you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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